[ of course aki will do it. of course he will carry the burden of taking care of another mess because he's that type of person; stupidly kind. even when he was kicking his ass in the alley, he did it because he didn't want denji to end up killing himself fighting devils, scare him off so he could have a normal life instead. it's tiring, but that's how aki will always be, even right now— he's helping him without any reserves. he settles on the bed with his shirt off, watching the other as he looks through the closet for a fresh set of clothes.
eventually, it got too much, too heavy, too draining ... ] ... I killed you.
[ he will let that sink in, wait for aki to maybe take a seat, embrace himself for the full story, and denji tells him everything. he will just unload it on him at once, until the very last second. there are new faces in his life, new enemies, and new failures. public safety has lost its pride, 350,000 civilians were killed for a bigger plan, the church, the death devil is coming and denji was supposed to deal with it. makima's end, nayuta's birth, his growing lust to hurt others — the loss of all the pets, his home, and aki/power's personal items that he kept as a memory; all burned in flames.
denji looked vulnerable and frail ... but no tears. ]
You'll still look out for me. You're that kind. It makes you an easy prey to devils ... and I won't be able to protect you anymore.
[ There's no hesitation in Aki, of course there isn't - why would there be when it comes to Denji? This is one of the most important people in the world to him, and if this man asked him to do something... He might not even question it. He might not even second guess it. The weight of the world seems to be pressing on Denji's shoulders, though, and he feels an edge of uncertainty as he stops, holding onto a new shirt and turning his gaze back to the younger man.
Oh.
Well, it all makes a lot more sense now.
His arms drop to his side, going a little limp, and he sighs, one free hand - the metallic one - coming to rub at the frown between his eyes. If it happens to end up rubbing at the one where the Future Devil chose to rest, he can't be blamed for that. Stepping over, he puts the shirt down beside Denji and sits next to him on the bed, just... Listening. Taking it all in... And then his hand lifts up, stroking through Denji's hair as he tugs him close, drawing him against his body for another awkward embrace, one-armed this time.
So much guilt and pain between them... ]
So that's why you wanted me to stay away from Makima-san. I was starting to suspect something like that.
[ Turning, he rests his forehead against Denji's head as he breathes out, then in, and tries to find some words. ]
I already knew you were going to kill me, Denji. The Future Devil showed me it, because that's how that stupid curse worked. It wanted me to suffer, because that was the kind of future it liked best. I'm sorry that I never told you, but I really thought that there was something I could do about it before it happened.
[ His fingers stroke gently, and... Is he crying? It feels like he might be, the prickle of them on his face before he can hold them back. Huh. ]
I don't need you to protect me. I might like it, but I don't need it. I want you to protect yourself first. If we come up against something that's too much for me, I'll take a step back.
[ His hand reaches out and, if Denji will let him, he'll link their fingers. ]
I'm sorry for everything that happened to you, Denji. I'm sorry I wasn't there to help you. I hope you can forgive me for leaving you alone.
[ If he had never gone to Makima... Would things have been different? It's hard not to blame himself. ]
[ god, where to begin? he was unsure how aki would handle everything he threw his way but it certainly wasn't this. denji watched him with fearful eyes, gaze following the other's hand until it settled on his head — it was just one of those moments where he knew something bad was about to happen, he could feel it in his guts.
'I already knew you were going to kill me'. okay, yeah— how the fuck is he supposed to take that? aside from the obvious way, which is him wondering if they could've prevented it all. maybe if he knew, they could've helped each other to stop it, and none of this would've happened, but denji can only assume the future devil wasn't very specific on 'how' or 'why'. still. still ...
slowly, he lowered his head and closed his eyes. he then took in a sharp inhale— aki is crying, isn't he? he said he was sorry, even when denji didn't. everything felt too fucked up to make sense of, with his emotions all over the place, but he knew pointing fingers and talking about shit they can't change is not the answer either. ]
... I'm sorry, too.
[ tired, quiet— he returns the gestures, curling his fingers around aki's. there is one thing he didn't share with him and it's his deal with makima here. it will stay that way. ]
I don't know how long we have here. Eventually, I will have to go back, right? Help me get better ...
[ It's not okay, and he's not going to say anything like that, because it would just be upsetting for Denji to hear. It makes sense now, why he was so intense about everything, why he had been so determined, why he had been... The way that he was. Aki can understand it now, even if it makes his heart feel a little bit heavy. It's too much for any single person to bear, and yet Denji is being forced to handle it.
Sinking into him, he breathes out softly, closing his eyes, squeezing. He doesn't want to let go, needing this himself.
His fingers keep stroking, gentle and soft, almost clinging to him. ]
I'll do what I can, Denji, for as long as they let me stay here. I'll never leave, not if I'm given the choice.
[ Why would he go back? He's happier here, isn't he? Even if Makima-san is here... ]
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eventually, it got too much, too heavy, too draining ... ] ... I killed you.
[ he will let that sink in, wait for aki to maybe take a seat, embrace himself for the full story, and denji tells him everything. he will just unload it on him at once, until the very last second. there are new faces in his life, new enemies, and new failures. public safety has lost its pride, 350,000 civilians were killed for a bigger plan, the church, the death devil is coming and denji was supposed to deal with it. makima's end, nayuta's birth, his growing lust to hurt others — the loss of all the pets, his home, and aki/power's personal items that he kept as a memory; all burned in flames.
denji looked vulnerable and frail ... but no tears. ]
You'll still look out for me. You're that kind. It makes you an easy prey to devils ... and I won't be able to protect you anymore.
no subject
Oh.
Well, it all makes a lot more sense now.
His arms drop to his side, going a little limp, and he sighs, one free hand - the metallic one - coming to rub at the frown between his eyes. If it happens to end up rubbing at the one where the Future Devil chose to rest, he can't be blamed for that. Stepping over, he puts the shirt down beside Denji and sits next to him on the bed, just... Listening. Taking it all in... And then his hand lifts up, stroking through Denji's hair as he tugs him close, drawing him against his body for another awkward embrace, one-armed this time.
So much guilt and pain between them... ]
So that's why you wanted me to stay away from Makima-san. I was starting to suspect something like that.
[ Turning, he rests his forehead against Denji's head as he breathes out, then in, and tries to find some words. ]
I already knew you were going to kill me, Denji. The Future Devil showed me it, because that's how that stupid curse worked. It wanted me to suffer, because that was the kind of future it liked best. I'm sorry that I never told you, but I really thought that there was something I could do about it before it happened.
[ His fingers stroke gently, and... Is he crying? It feels like he might be, the prickle of them on his face before he can hold them back. Huh. ]
I don't need you to protect me. I might like it, but I don't need it. I want you to protect yourself first. If we come up against something that's too much for me, I'll take a step back.
[ His hand reaches out and, if Denji will let him, he'll link their fingers. ]
I'm sorry for everything that happened to you, Denji. I'm sorry I wasn't there to help you. I hope you can forgive me for leaving you alone.
[ If he had never gone to Makima... Would things have been different? It's hard not to blame himself. ]
no subject
'I already knew you were going to kill me'. okay, yeah— how the fuck is he supposed to take that? aside from the obvious way, which is him wondering if they could've prevented it all. maybe if he knew, they could've helped each other to stop it, and none of this would've happened, but denji can only assume the future devil wasn't very specific on 'how' or 'why'. still. still ...
slowly, he lowered his head and closed his eyes. he then took in a sharp inhale— aki is crying, isn't he? he said he was sorry, even when denji didn't. everything felt too fucked up to make sense of, with his emotions all over the place, but he knew pointing fingers and talking about shit they can't change is not the answer either. ]
... I'm sorry, too.
[ tired, quiet— he returns the gestures, curling his fingers around aki's. there is one thing he didn't share with him and it's his deal with makima here. it will stay that way. ]
I don't know how long we have here. Eventually, I will have to go back, right? Help me get better ...
no subject
[ It's not okay, and he's not going to say anything like that, because it would just be upsetting for Denji to hear. It makes sense now, why he was so intense about everything, why he had been so determined, why he had been... The way that he was. Aki can understand it now, even if it makes his heart feel a little bit heavy. It's too much for any single person to bear, and yet Denji is being forced to handle it.
Sinking into him, he breathes out softly, closing his eyes, squeezing. He doesn't want to let go, needing this himself.
His fingers keep stroking, gentle and soft, almost clinging to him. ]
I'll do what I can, Denji, for as long as they let me stay here. I'll never leave, not if I'm given the choice.
[ Why would he go back? He's happier here, isn't he? Even if Makima-san is here... ]
I'll stay with you.